I am cheered by your stupidity. Thanks for sharing!

I'm grumpy and blue.  The past several weeks have been filled with losses -- one big and profound, and others smaller but still sad.  I've been lonely and unsettled and have spent more than one insomnia-fueled night researching ways to sell our house (damn housing bubble!) and move back North.  

Since I can't actually run away (damn housing bubble!!), I suppose I have to stop wallowing and move on.  So, towards that end, I have some funny stories that demonstrate (at least to me!) that I'm not the MOST pathetic person in the world!!    Under typical conditions, I get annoyed with people who walk around asking "what is wrong with people?" -- as if they are they are the standard measure for the  sound-minded.  But today, in a totally pathological attempt to bolster my own lagging self-esteem, I will join the ranks of crazy-bashers and (hopefully!) feel cheered!

 

Crazy Person.  Case 1.  The  kids and I took the dog (who's a shoe-eating asshole, by the way) on an after-dinner walk through the neighborhood.  At one point, Zoe started to run with him -- something I encourage because it wears them both out.  When we were half-way down our block we saw a man with 2 dogs at the far end of the street.  We didn't think anything of it.  We saw him again after we turned the corner (apparently he was taking the same route we were) and, out of nowhere, he starts screaming at us.

"What the hell are you doing?  What's wrong with you?!?"

It didn't register at first because I couldn't imagine that he was speaking to US!  I figured it out pretty quickly after he stopped walking, turned around, and pointed his finger at us. 

"Why are you following me?" 

"Are you looking for a fight"

"Do you want a FIGHT?  Is that what you want"

Zoinks.

From what I was able to gather based on his screams and flailing limbs and the way he dragged his dogs across the street, he was angry that we were letting our dog get too close to his dogs (pit bulls). 

He had one final screaming outburst for us as we walked by on the opposite side of the street:

"You people need to learn some courtesy!"

 

Crazy Person.  Case 2. Bah.  Had to remove reference to crazy person number 2.  Apparently (according to my much wiser husband -- who has MUCH tighter lips than me!!) one should not discuss ongoing litigation in a public blog. 

 

Crazy Person.  Case 3.   I volunteer at  Zoe's school on Thursday mornings.  Like everyplace else in our post-9/11 world, security is tight.  After the x-rays and the pat-down by Homeland Security, you have to sign in at one of two computers in the school lobby.  When I got there, another mom was filling out the "first time volunteer" forms on one of the computers. 

And by "filling out", I mean cursing at the screen.  The computer screen. At the ELEMENTARY school.

I laugh the laugh that's supposed to be interpreted as "oh, computers -- they never work when  you're in a hurry". 

She set me straight though and informed me (sans curse words!) that it was NOT FUNNY.

Clearly they removed her personality when they implanted her boobs and placed the stick up her ass. 

She marches (really -- she actually MARCHED!) over to the front desk to tell the school secretary that her name started with an L and NOT with a T and she didn't appreciate the computer telling her that her name started with a T.  She then turned on her heel (again -- actually turned ON HER HEEL) and marched back to the computer and stood there with her arms folded.

After about 30 milliseconds she yelled loudly enough to quiet the entire lobby and demanded to know when someone planned to come and help her because she did NOT have all day.  I would have stayed to watch the rest unfold, but I was laughing so hard I snorted.

Comments

[Karen]

Don't I remember someone following you around in Tarrytown one day (I'm thinking nail salon and CVS) ripping you a new one because you were diluting her faith. The first story reminded me of it.

And, I'm sorry to admit, all these made me laugh. Hope things get less sucky.

[Tiffany & Co Outlet Jewellery]

A true love is what doesn‘t strive for busyness, for extravagance, for luxury, and moreover for hokum.